Our Story – A Journey into the Maze of Sacred Union PART III

Going deeper

These following pages might be a bit exposing and even though I have always considered myself “shameless” in a sense, that I could, (if the police didn’t arrest me of course), easily have walked naked through the streets. I honestly feel that there is no part of me that is ashamed. However, having said that will give me an excellent opportunity to try my thesis, as follows.

What can I say? Not much, really. I have looked deep into myself during these years, and sometimes I don’t even know if I am a spiritual man or just a horny, dirty bastard. 

I suppose that's what it means when you view life as the very thing that's going on in between the outer edges, the middle ground between hot and cold, light and dark, and so forth.

Looking back, I never could have imagined myself actually standing in front of the love of my life, the mother of my children, my twin flame, my wife and asking her if she wanted to embark on a journey of exploration in that way. It is such a big jump from the person I used to be someone playing it safe, not risking anything.

There I stood and I could so clearly see her going through all kinds of expressions on the emotional scale. We talked about it for a while and I’m not quite sure what we ended up with during that very first conversation. But life went on and on it went.

I can honestly say that when I asked her and kind of opened up the atmosphere just by saying something out loud and then nothing really responded, like when you open the door to invite guests in and realize there is no one there, it makes you think.

Life goes on, and life goes up and down. Rebecca received massive guidance and truly opened up to all kinds of dimensions in the spirit realm, being in contact with spirit guides, masters and many others and me acting the part of the anchor. I could feel all of it and I knew it was my part to act that role. A ship needs an anchor; otherwise, it will simply drift off to sea without really knowing where it will end up.

She started working as a freelance consultant for a man (also in the spiritual business/world) and it was through him that she first came into contact with another man, a man that, in hindsight, I realize now was her very first or should I say our first step on a very peculiar journey. He was a homeopath, having his space in the town over and she first went to him purely to explore reflexology. But it ended up becoming so much more.

I could clearly see her being so energized and feeling so good after visiting him and receiving her treatments. After a while, they started hanging out as friends and she would even get treatments for free. I was so happy for her. My wife’s happiness has always been central to me and in that way, it doesn’t always have to be me who is the source of that happiness, it can exist elsewhere too.

She started going there more often and he actually agreed to train her to become a reflexologist. So she went there for approximately six months. All during this time, I still felt that what I had brought up earlier was such an important event for us. I couldn’t really explain it. It wasn’t so much a need for me to do something, but some kind of longing for her to feel as free as I saw her.

We talk a lot, especially during the evenings when our son has gone to bed and something that comes up frequently is how we view love, conditions and relationships. We often state that we love each other unconditionally, meaning our love for each other has no demand of being returned in any way. When we see one happy, we feel happy, even if that means not being in the same atmosphere.

Anyway, she went there several times a week and during that time we kind of drifted apart a little. I found myself being drawn to writing. I have always, as far back as I can remember, been drawn to books, reading and eventually writing. It’s just something that lives in me.

I’m not very good at painting or creating in a more classical sense. If I showed you some of my creations from our ceramics class we took a couple of years ago, you would probably think our son, who is three, made them, or maybe that’s even an insult to him. When I write, it’s like I’m given a pencil and paint, free to create a living image from the words and feelings inside of me and share that with the world.

So Beccy trained as a reflexologist in the town over and I started writing a book. I didn’t really know what it was going to be about, but very soon I found out. 

When I pondered the lives and dreams of a human being living in this existence here and now, I realized that so much of what we all take for granted or view as universal truths didn’t quite hold up.

I have never been afraid of questioning, it’s a major part of what I do. I might not be able to provide answers everyone likes, but posing questions is my great gift. To me, the right question is more important than the right answer.

Thus came The Great Lies: An Invitation to Explore, taking its very first step into existence. Looking back, it was a major project and I do realize now that I bit off more than I could chew, perhaps. I delved deep into the great questions of our time, as well as the not-so-great but more ordinary matters. Spirituality wasn’t safe either; I picked apart ideas and different views on peace, enlightenment and so on and formed my own way of thinking.

If I ever had an ideology, it would be an all-including one, one that accepts and welcomes every aspect of the human experience. It doesn’t matter if you drink alcohol, what kind of low-frequency sex you enjoy, or what gives you pleasure, kinks, BDSM, perversion, watching bad movies, laughing your heart out at simple jokes. 

All was accepted in my world and I found myself almost feeling like I was crafting some kind of manual for existence.

It took a massive amount of concentration and energy and sometimes I don’t really know where I got it all from. Was this really me or how did I come up with all of this? Even to this day, I’m not quite sure.

At the very same time, Beccy discovered the teachings of sacred union and how two souls could form a spiritual bond, not merely physical or intellectual, but spiritual as well. I remember I wasn’t too keen on the idea, mainly because most of what I printed down in the book-to-be was about how you already have everything you need to be complete on your own.

I see now how important this really was for her and how important it was for me to ignore her (i might make more sense later in this text). Not intentionally; back then I was too caught up with having my enormously inflated head up my ass, engulfed by ego and self-assurance.

So the months went by and our infinity-eight, which has two loops, we sometimes say that we both feel the want to do our separate things, but just as the circle always joins forces at the end of a cycle, this time our cycle grew, bigger than before.

She came home one day saying that during her meeting with her teacher, things took a very different route. She said she felt some kind of charge in the air coming from his side. I remember smiling and teasing her a bit, saying something like, “Well, well, well, look who’s the naughty one.”

I can recall now that she must have felt a mix of surprise and excitement, as well as her conditioning kicking in and her resisting that part of herself. Time went on and she kept telling me that there was an incredible buildup of energy between them. This was a guy who genuinely was kind and good-hearted, while still being in his own loop, as most of us are.

What became the culmination of this experience was when they stood very close and hugged at the end of one training session, near the end of her training when she was almost finished. They lingered in their energy, she said and for a moment she felt the urge to perhaps go a little further. Some words were said, I’m not really sure exactly what, but I do remember her coming home troubled.

It was the end of summer and she looked shaken. She told me what had transpired and what became her breaking point was when he said something like, “This could be our own secret.” That woke her from the spell. She came home in tears, saying she was so sorry that she even considered meeting him in that way.

Back then, I only smiled, hugged her and said that nothing she could ever do would make me walk away. I remember not taking it seriously and even encouraging her to test her limits. It’s funny how you feel limitless when you believe there is no real danger.

Boy, was I in for a trip.